Rollercoaster Day

Oh man. Today was all over the place. The weather was gross, and my temp job, while running along smoothly, was epically slow and boring today.
While at work, I got an email telling me I didn't get the publishing job I interviewed for last week. It was the same explanation I've gotten dozens of times...the job has been offered to another candidate, but I was a top contender. I have a great resume, they really enjoyed meeting me, sure I'll find something great...blah blah.
I sound bitter, I know, but I feel like there's only so much more of this I can take right now. Which is probably why it's good that I'm branching out to other areas. Definitely enough publishing attempts for a while.
So, I was really upset. It was torrentially raining. I forgot an umbrella. It was cold and I was drenched. I sat down on the bus and there was a leak in the roof that was dripping directly on my head. Then, I got an email from the Council on Foreign Relations asking me to come in and interview next week. Hope springs eternal, I guess.

So, I know I said I'd write tonight, but tomorrow I will. That's a promise.

In Which I Get A Free Lunch

I commence this blog from the investment firm from which I shall temp for the next two weeks. Although I work a little longer (8:30-5:30) and for less money per hour, the amount I will save on coffee alone makes it worth it. Well, not really, but the free lunch, drinks, etc in the swanky offices will definitely make life a little easier.
Just returned from a nice, relaxing weekend at home, and I'm liking the fact that, since this new assignment is just for two weeks, there's none of the pressure I felt at my previous job. Overall, feeling good.
That being said, I forgot how much applying for jobs, especially in industries I'm unfamiliar with, is like a full-time job in itself. Lots of cover letters, sending emails to alumnae (politely) begging them to help me, etc. Of course, I'm more than a little peeved that I still haven't heard from the interview I went on over a week ago, especially since I was interviewed by one of my publishing mentors. Sigh.
In other news, there are two wine stores (Bottlerocket & Wine at 79) who have shown interest in hiring me part-time. I'm thinking that, even though they aren't the super prestigious stores I'm interested in, I might gain some experience there and then have another go at Sherry Lehman or Italian Wine Merchants. We'll see.
Tomorrow, I'll do some more proprioceptive stuff, hopefully. See you then!

Day of Writing (Not the Fun Kind)

I've been in a cover-letter-rewriting and job-applying tunnel all day, which is fine since it was really cold and foggy here today and easy to stay inside and get lots done. Cover letters are a strange beast. I'm someone who generally enjoys writing, and never really dreads it, but writing cover letters is something I absolutely hate. I'm not sure what it is about them, but it seems a universal truth that everyone despises writing them. There's something about summing up all of your experiences in a relevant way, using such carefully selected words, that is stupidly tedious and time-consuming. Then, of course, there's the understanding that everything you write will play such a role in whether or not some company calls you in for an interview. After a couple of hours of this, plus searching for the right jobs, my head starts to swim. Oh well, best to make the best use of this time when I'm not temping. If I'm not getting paid, I might as well be doing something productive!

Ok, enough of that. Now for something completely different. This is neither fiction nor pure truth. I just went with it today - with the prompt of "games people play."

I don't like routine, so I always try to keep people on their toes. When someone never knows what to expect from me, I consider it a personal victory.
It doesn't hurt my cause that I'm moody by nature, and sometimes see each interaction I have in a given day as a new opportunity to exorcise, even in some small way, how how I feel at that moment. Even if it's just thanking the coffee guy, or nervously smiling at someone new, there's definite transparency to how I act, for better or worse.
At the same time, I can be painfully self-conscious or unnecessarily confident, which factors into the equation as well. I realize that I'm effectively describing every hot-blooded woman ever, but I think everyone likes to believe that they are different, and the way their lives interlock with those of others is unique.
I like to think that a lot of people "know" who I am, and that I am not often guarded or performing in some way. I am more or less consistent, and maybe the shifts I make in myself aren't noticeable to others, but I believe this little charade I play is less me running with my multitude of emotions than a way to continually keep things interesting.

I leave you with this, a picture of "productivity." Plans B, C, and D.

Reunion & Renewal of Efforts

After losing my job last Wednesday, I was able to take a mini-vacation back to Simsbury, CT to the old alma mater, Westminster, for my five year high school reunion. It was a bit surreal, to say the least. We had a really incredible turnout, almost 75% of the Class of 2005 ended up making the journey. Campus has changed so much since I was back, especially since the building where I took all of my classes was bulldozed and replaced by a completely ridiculous(ly amazing) $40 million new one. That, coupled with the fact that a lot of the teachers I was close with in high school were either not at the reunion or no longer at Westminster, made me feel a little out of place. It was nice to catch up with some people from school though, and definitely nice to not dwell on my job situation for a few days.
Yesterday, upon return, I went back to Barnard (lots of trips down memory lane lately), where there is also a huge and expensive new building, completed since I graduated. I went to the Career Development office, and saw my old counselor, Robert, who is stupidly good at making me be proactive and encouraging me while making sure I walk out of his office energized and with a plan. In addition to going after publishing still, I'm now looking for jobs in three new areas: corporate communications (HR), advertising/PR, and legal assistant work (still contemplating the scary LSATs).
Went to the temp agency today, basically reassuring myself that I'll be able to work regularly and (sort of) have enough money until I find something permanent.
However, what I'm REALLY hoping is that I get the job I interviewed for on Friday and that none of this is necessary! Though experience has taught me not to be optimistic about these things...

So, I'm actually going to write something tomorrow and put it on here, promise. Until then!

The Walrus & The Carpenter

I watched Alice in Wonderland last night (the beloved, animated Disney version), and was delighted to rediscover the at once hilarious and terrifying anecdote of the Walrus and the Carpenter. That Walrus is scary looking, trust me, and those little oysters never stood a chance.
Given that I had lost my job a few hours before, and was feeling introspective, I saw a little bit of my own situation, mostly, why obsess over boring work when you can talk of other, more interesting and imaginative things? Lewis Carroll says it better:

"Work?! The time has come," the Walrus said
"To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Calloo-Callay
No work today!
We're cabbages and kings"

Obviously, work is good for money and stuff like that, but every now and then it's important, especially if you're me and want to maintain the creative energy and pursue the sorts of opportunities that utilize that, to remember your imagination, and watch a trippy, animated film.

So, before I prep for my interview and pack for my high school reunion (!), I'm going to listen to some French music, daydream about Paris, and do the dishes.

À Bientôt.

(Another Possible) Bump in the Road

So, I was laid off today. FBR figured out, from my numerous absences, that I was looking for other jobs. Since I'm a temp and they don't need to show me any professional consideration, they have been interviewing people for the past two weeks, found someone, and told me today that my last day is Friday.
Luckily, I happen to have another job interview Friday (of course, as soon as I throw in the towel on Publishing, one of my old contacts emails me asking me to interview to be her assistant), so obviously I hope to transition into something better.
Ultimately, though the whole situation and the way in which I felt hung out to dry were very upsetting, I've been able to get my head around things, and see that this is for the best. I'm still working on wine store jobs, and I'm thinking of looking for more waitressing jobs in the meantime. There is something a bit appealing about that sort of work after being in an office for over 6 months, doing things that made me feel stupid.
I spoke to my contacts at the temp agency, and they are very eager to find me other assignments. If I do decide to do temp work, I think it will be short term work, week by week, while I look for permanent things that I actually want to do. On the bright side, working at night / some days would give me more opportunities to write, etc. Honestly, I'm trying to see the bright side, and looking at the positive of something like this is difficult but important for me to do. Luckily, there are opportunities for me. I'm out of a situation that made me unhappy, and I'll still be able to make money, pay my rent, etc.
End of a certain era, but I feel as if it's the beginning of something better. There were some other things I wanted to write about today, but they took the back burner after this happened. I'll get to them tomorrow.

xx

Finally Doing My Civic Duty

I'm writing from the Manhattan Court House today. That's right - after months (years?) of attempting to evade first the Delaware and then the Manhattan judicial systems, I am finally here. It actually feels like a vacation, in a way. I can access all the websites (personal email, facebook, job search websites, this blog) that are blocked at work, get an hour for lunch, and wear jeans. However, it feels particularly serendipitous that I'm here, since I recently decided to take the plunge and sign up for an LSAT course. It sounds dumb, but when the judge came into the selection room this morning and spoke about the responsibilities of being on a jury and the implications of serving, I got a little excited about it. Yes, excited about jury duty. Either I really hate my day job, or maybe I'm more suited to study the law than I originally thought. I think I want to take the GREs as well, but I'm not sure what I'd go to grad school for other than a Writing MFA, which I'd want to do a little later on in life, or a law degree. Plus, the GREs have math, which is enough to make me a little wary about them.
Then again, Law School is a huge decision and investment, and I have had, no exaggerating, three people interrupt cell phone conversations in which I am discussing the LSAT and tell me not to go to law school. So, I'm deciding to take the test and let that experience (and my score, obviously) dictate whether or not I take the plunge. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, etc.
Now that my wine store inquiries and volunteer pursuits are starting to take root, I have to look at my job (or maybe grad school) prospects, frightening as it is. I'm going back to the Barnard Office of Career Development (it does not escape me that the office has the same acronym as obsessive compulsive disorder, it's actually quite apt) at the end of this week, and I've been brainstorming all the possible career paths that I could pursue for the next couple of weeks that wouldn't involve me being a receptionist and worrying that we're low on French Roast coffee in the break room. This is a harrowing task, but a necessary one.
Also, I'm using this hour and a half (!) lunch break at the court house to look up writing contests for various journals, magazines, online and off. The best inspiration is the deadline.
When that gets old, I have the latest issue of the Paris Review and Ian McEwan's latest. I could get used to jury duty.

'Til tomorrow.